I saw a news story on Good Morning America yesterday that has made me think a lot about the subject.
Here is a link to the video: Fit Mom vs. Curvy Girl
After watching this video and reading more about both ladies, I'm torn between their views. There are things that I agree with and disagree with from both sides.
I was pretty fit when I got pregnant with my first. I was a dancer and loved it. I was very active. But I was diagnosed with preeclampsia during my pregnancy and put on bed rest. I gained 78lbs, most of it from all the water weight from being swollen. After I gave birth I lost all but 15lbs in the first two weeks. My mom had always told me how much having a baby changes your body but I have NO idea how much. I was left with this awful stomach covered in stretch marks and a very bad body image of myself. I avoided any full length mirror around. I didn't feel comfortable in any of my clothes. It has only gotten worse with each of the girls. I try to tell myself it isn't that bad and it is the marks left by giving life to these amazing little girls but it is still hard to look at sometimes. My husband reassures me that I'm beautiful and I want to believe him so bad. When I see articles of these mom with perfect abs and a completely flat stomach and no stretch marks I always think to myself, if they only knew what some of us other moms are struggling through they might be more sympathetic. Every body is different, so for one woman to say that everyone should strive to have a body like hers is just unrealistic. Although on the other hand, I don't know any woman who is over weight (including myself) who doesn't want to lose some weight.
So when I read these stories about women arguing over body image it really gets to me. As a mom and a woman I think we should all encourage each other in whatever we are comfortable in! We should get to know each other and not be afraid to talk about how we feel. We live in this world where if you have something wrong with you or you are struggling with something you should just keep it to yourself. You should be this strong, tough, happy, smiling, woman and never let your true emotions show. I believe we should never judge anyone for any reason. Yes, I know it is a lot harder to do than to just say it. I know I am guilty of it and I know people judge me as a young mother of 4. I believe we deserve to let ourselves be happy and be OK knowing we aren't perfect and we don't have to be perfect just because someone is always judging us.
Be grateful you have a husband who says you are beautiful. Please.
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ReplyDeleteWow! I disagree with the fact that you can look at a person and tell how healthy you are. There are some thin people that are not healthy. I do believe everybody should be physically fit. .. get some degree of exercise in on a regular basis, whatever is comfortable for the individual to keep them at their state of healthy and fit. Not everybody will look like Ms. Bone and tone, neither do they have to.
ReplyDeleteI am about a size 10/12 and I know I'm not physically fit as some I've seen twice my size. I'm not content to be unhealthy out unfit, but I don't let that stop me from looking my best when I go out.
This is a great post Daphne! And a great reminder. My experience is very similar to yours, and the "attitude" portion of dealing with lost expectations (no stretch marks, etc.) is difficult for me as well. It's a delicate balance between being satisfied and then being terrified that will slip into complacency. (Does that make sense at all?) In addition, we have little girls watching us...which is an extra pressure of the things I say and how I handle "diet and exercise" in a way that doesn't create pictures in their heads.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being brave enough to be "real" about this subject! So many people don't! My hat (and a hug) to you! Heather
Curvy Girl any day!!! Gotta have a place for my hands and not be fearful of breaking some porcelain figurine -- especially during foreplay, during play, and after play!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree Heather! It is hard to find the balance of loving yourself the way you are and striving to be better. Because if you want to be better than how can you be happy with the way you are now? I just want women to know we are not going through this alone. And I don't want my girls to grow up watching me hate my body and watch how others judge one another because of looks. I make sure any time I talk about weight and exercise to my girls, I don't use the terms diet and being skinny or fat. I talk about how we should all be healthy and healthy looks different on everyone!
ReplyDeleteI am harder on myself than anyone else, for sure. I just don't have the time or energy to put into exercise right now. I just do what I can, when I can and that has to be good enough. Maybe in a few years I'll be where I want to be with my body image but now it's more important for me to spend time with my kids than every evening at the gym.--Rhonda
ReplyDeleteI'm with you Rhonda! These kids take up 150% of my time and that is way more important to me than trying to be better than someone else. Someday maybe I will feel at least normal again but I'm sure it won't be anytime soon and I'm ok with that.
ReplyDeleteI think to infer that the source of your doubt is someone else's opinion shows your own insecurity. That is something you need to deal with on your own and that no level of coaxing or praise is going to solve. I think this 100% inclusion and tolerance for things some of us don't believe in is wrong to insist upon.
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